The Alternative Medicine Blog

Relationships: Family of Choice

Sixth grade was excruciating for me. I was raised in a family, as most of us were, without having a lot of choice about those relationships. People were just there to connect to or not. School wasn’t that much different. The only thing that mattered was geography and because I lived in a certain place, I went to a predetermined school. Because we moved when I was in second grade, the kids I went to school with all had previous relationships with each other and I struggled to find a place I belonged. That only worsened as I got older. And by the time I got into sixth grade I wanted more than anything to just disappear or even to be hit through no fault of my own by a runaway train – which would be quite a feat in Fruitport!   

I was desperate for community. My mom would listen to me cry when I got home. I always seemed to have one friend or another through the year with whom I could talk on the phone at night. But those individual contacts, as helpful as they were, did not answer my growing need. Even getting my first real boyfriend didn’t satisfy this longing.

Relationships: Significant Other

I have a letter to read to you. Not a real letter from one identifiable person to another, but a composite letter of the possible movement in a significant other relationship. But first I want to explain the use of that term.

Because we’ve been talking about family of origin, you might have expected us to use the traditional association of a couple within a marriage – a husband and a wife. But there is no requirement that you marry your significant other. In fact, our gay and lesbian friends don’t even have that option. More and more people are finding alternative ways to shape their relationship with that one special person in their life.

Relationships: Parent/Child

As this series on relationships has unfolded, my best friend John G., felt moved to reflect on the Parent/Child relationship. What emerged from him was a stunning piece of art that I am delighted to share with you...

It’s all about dinner. At least that’s what some of the research says. It really just supports what we kind of already know. Studies show that children in families who eat dinner together are less likely to do drugs, smoke, have eating disorders or become depressed. And they read better, get better grades and are even less likely to end up in the hospital for asthma! It sure worked for me. My parents were pretty obsessive really about the family always eating dinner together. So in High School when I was involved in sports and would get home pretty late, everyone would still be waiting until I got home to sit down to the dinner my Mom had prepared. And then it would start. Almost always my Father and I would go at it. I can look back on it now and bring some compassion to my memories of those dinner table “discussions”. I know my Dad had been pretty disconnected from his Father and I’m sure he connected with me the best way he could. I know he loved – and loves – me; and he has many great personal qualities. Lots of people like him. And I like him too. But those dinner table discussions were so hard on me. I would feel like virtually every night he would bait me into talking about some topic and then he’d disagree with me and off we’d go into the latest argument. And it always just felt bad. I mean I wanted to “win” the argument but I never felt like I did. And then at some point my Mother would get angry and say how we were dominating the dinner table and excluding her and my sisters – and of course she was right. And of course I vowed I would never do anything like what my Dad did to me to my sons – and of course, in many and various ways, I did exactly what I didn’t want to do – because, of course, my Dad lives inside of me.